Sentenced to Life-Long Hard Labor by Rola Saab

Remaining single is a ghost chasing every girl in nearly every society. So, most young girls (especially in the developing world) cannot help running away from this ghost: it doesn’t matter how hard they try.

 Although marriage does not always seem to be the ideal solution for many women, they generally decide to go for it, as it is the only apparent available shelter protecting them from the coldness of loneliness and very often from lack of resources to live.
 
 Around the world women and men are brought up to perform different tasks which differ according to the society they live in, their cultural and social level and also, the age – in historical terms - they are living in.
 Most societies (especially in developing countries) adopt the traditional division of labour in which the man of the family is the “breadwinner”, and is primarily involved in “productive” work outside home.
 
 On the other hand, once a woman becomes a housewife, she takes overall responsibility for household activities (child-rearing, health care, domestic work, food preparation, education and, last but not least, special care for the needs of her husband). Without taking into consideration the economic value of the work performed attending to the needs of the family, women often need more than 24 hours a day in order to perform in a satisfactory manner all the duties demanded of them which cannot be done by a single person, even if this person is a super one.
 
 The traditional distribution of roles and tasks may seem to some, specially men, fair and reasonable. However, it is not the same when the wife is the breadwinner or when she is involved in productive work outside the home and works for as just as many hours as her husband does. In this case, the traditional assignment of domestic tasks can only be considered unfair and biased against women who, often, will be working all day like machines forgetting about their aspirations and even their personal needs as human beings.
 
 For some women, being a dedicated housewife, i.e. doing housework and caring for their families in the home, can be a very satisfying experience, and raising their own children is an experience they do not want to forgo. Sometimes they do not even accept any participation from the husband.
 
 At the same time, for many other women, particularly those with education and personal aspirations, the traditional role they are forced to adopt often becomes a burden and an obligation imposed by merciless social traditions and customs. Social pressure to conform is reinforced by the judicial system resulting in the control of women by their husbands, the downgrading – even suppression - of their basic human rights, the lowering of their aspirations and, in general, preventing them from having the possibility, if they so choose, to attain a degree of independence and to pursue any career or occupation outside the family home.
 
 Unfortunately, the image portraying woman in the traditional role as a housewife who dedicates herself exclusively to the care of her husband and her family is still being actively pursued through the curriculum at our educational institutions: short stories in the reading lessons at elementary schools usually shows Rabab, the little girl in the family, helping her mother in the daily chores; cooking, ironing or cleaning. Meanwhile, her brother Bassem is out football with his friends or going out with his father, who spends much more time with his friends than with his wife, or, if he is at home, he will be sitting with his legs crossed reading a newspaper or lying down on the sofa to watch TV and being served like a king without even bothering to help himself to get a glass of water. These are seen as the ideal conditions resulting in a happy life for the whole family.
 
 In any case, even women who dedicate their lives to doing housework and spend many hours taking care of the various family members in order to be able to sustain their role – and the power that goes with it - need their husband’s support and participation. At the same time, men who do not take an active part in household chores miss out on the feeling of enjoyment resulting from providing care and dedicating time to their families.
 
 It is well known that the status enjoyed by women (psychologically, physically, economically and socially, etc.) affects the life of their families deeply: the more comfortable, satisfied and happy the wife feels the greater the joy, peace and warmth the family enjoys.
 
 An urgent question comes to my mind: do husbands really feel happy sharing a life with a servant doubling as a wife, who will not be able to find a few minutes a day to share thoughts, daily problems or even to be engaged in leisure activities together?
 
 Whatever it is, the final decision in our society will remain, at least for the time being, with the social court which judges people according to their sex, using double criteria which, too often, accentuate women’s inferiority while reinforcing men’s superiority.
 
 So, in the end, there are no easy options. It could be argued that it is up to women to accept this state of affairs or to choose a different path leading to greater independence and, therefore, to exercise greater responsibility over their own lives. To some women, the traditional role will satisfy them and make them happy, while many others, given the choice, would prefer a more equal role within the family, the chance to pursue their own careers and, in general, to enjoy greater independence for themselves.